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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

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If you are going through hell, keep going.

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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Testing proves the presence%

Testing proves the presence%

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.